The Record
a very serious body of research.
9 treats studied 7 establishments 2 neighborhoods 0 objectivity
The Sweetness Scale
how sweet, historically.
hint —
good ✦✦✦ 3
great ✦✦✦ 3
absurd ✦✦ 2
too sweet even for me —
The Danger Index
likelihood of returning tomorrow.
negligible ✦✦✦ 3
moderate —
elevated ✦✦ 2
critical ✦✦ 2
containment failure ✦✦ 2
For the Record
superlatives. all disputes will be ignored.
sweetest thing on record — Allez Cafe absurd
most dangerous on record — Allez Cafe containment failure
textures observed — crispy and soft in the middle, velvet, dense, pillowy, velvety, dusty, smooooooooth, crumbly, luscious
weirdness on file — You eat the flowers (Allez Cafe)
weirdness on file — Matcha latte tastes like weed (Allez Cafe)
weirdness on file — potato donut?! (Downstate Donuts)
sample size n=9 · no further comment